When anonymity is weaponized
And why it's important to talk about our alcoholism out loud.
Twelve-step programs
Alcoholics Anonymous, or AA, is currently the most well-known and commonly used recovery program for alcoholics. Its sister program, Al-Anon(ymous), is for the family and friends of alcoholics. Both programs follow the same twelve steps to recovery.
Anonymity is so crucial to both of these recovery programs that they have the word, or parts of it, in their very names. Both programs refer to their meetings and members as a Fellowship - with a capital F. They also refer to God in their literature but stress that each person gets to decide how to define their own Higher Power.
The problem with the programs
Let’s talk about it.
AA was founded in 1935 with the idea of anonymity protecting its members from other community members, family members, and coworkers finding out that the people attending were alcoholics. In the Forward to the First Edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it states: “It is important that we remain anonymous because we are too few, at present, to handle the overwhelming number of personal appeals which may result from this publication.”
Basically, the men attending (because it was just men at the time) were scared of the consequences of being found out, and rightfully so. 1935 wasn’t exactly a shining period of acceptance of differences or of mental health struggles.
Knowing this begs the question, “Is this idea outdated?” Has the program evolved since 1935? During the four years I attended Al-Anon, I came to my own personal conclusion that a lot of the program is in desperate need of evolution.
It’s outdated (to say the least)
In 2023, my “homegroup” wanted to reach more people by brining pamphlets to churches, stating that social media would be going against the Eleventh Tradition of the program: Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV. We need to guard with special care the anonymity of all members.
The four hundred thousand people needing support on my social media platforms would disagree. It’s time to venture out and really start thinking about how we want to reach those in need so we can connect and share our experiences. Not everyone who needs Al-Anon goes to church, and pamphlets can only scratch the surface of what support might be offered by attending.
In AA and Al-Anon, anonymity is often referred to as, “The greatest single protection the Fellowship has to assure its continued existence and growth.” I believe this to be true. Anonymity is and should be used to protect these groups, as a whole. What I disagree with is the weaponization of anonymity toward spouses when an alcoholic doesn’t want to be held accountable in the home.
Anonymity has a purpose
In the Fellowship, anonymity formally serves two different purposes: Personal safety by protecting identification of its members, and protection against a person who “might otherwise exploit their affiliation to the group to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain.” I attended and spoke at a handful of AA meetings while I was a member of Al-Anon, including a few Alkathons and Women’s Recovery Breakfasts. Both programs start their meetings the same, by stating their emphasis on the importance of anonymity.
“Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.” If you’re anything like me, you’re wondering what “placing principles before personalities” has to do with anonymity. I looked it up. It means that every member should be considered equal, with their identities protected, no matter their backgrounds or circumstances. The principles and traditions (rules) are in place to help ensure this.
Like anything else that comes with family alcoholism, anonymity falls on a spectrum of its own. Each individual, family, and situation is unique and requires consideration before defining how anonymity will be addressed. I don’t think many people question whether or not there should be protections in place for people sharing personal experiences that feel shameful. Especially if they’re working toward healing and making better choices for their lives.
That is the ultimate goal, isn’t it? We want our loved ones to seek help and work toward sobriety and recovery.
At the end of the day, it’s imperative that each of us decides what kind of recovery support we need. Is it Al-Anon? It was for me, at first. I did learn a lot in “the rooms”, but I was also turned off by the rigidity of the program. Is it education? Yes, always! Is it community and group support outside of Al-Anon? For many, yes! Is it therapy? For me, that’s a huge yes. Therapy is the rope that ties all of my other recovery efforts together. We each get to decide what type of recovery we need. The only advice I have is - do something; do whatever works for beautiful YOU.
Are you ready for the anonymity reality check?
Anonymity belongs in recovery meetings and therapy and only in recovery meetings and therapy. Every person has the right to this, especially when dealing with such sensitive and stigmatized topics. Without anonymity in these specific situations, it is harder for the person experiencing substance abuse, as well as their family members, to be honest when discussing their struggles and experiences.
Besides that, anonymity is a taboo topic with a lot of what-ifs at play. For example, it is a real and valid fear for a recovering alcoholic to have their place of work find out about this very personal thing. Stigma is alive and well, and it sucks. But let’s say an active alcoholic drives heavy machinery or semi-trucks for a living or is in charge of the well-being of children. Anonymity has no rightful place in these instances, and their place of employment needs to know what’s going on immediately.
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